Easter and Getting Real

Happy Easter Monday!!!

We got back from our trip to Pittsburgh Thursday evening and headed out Saturday morning to celebrate Easter at my parents’ house.  Well, we headed out after I went to an 8 am bikram class.  I learned a very important lesson at that class: me + morning + bikram = miserable, sweaty, near death experience.  I think if I want to go in the morning again I’ll need to get up earlier and drink more water.  Rolling out of bed and showing up at class was maybe not the best plan.  Luckily, I managed to survive although it was some of the ugliest yoga ever performed.  I think I might’ve made the teacher cry with how awful it was.  At one point she said it’s better to do 1% of a pose 100% correct than do it 99% 100% wrong, or something like that.  In any case, I’m pretty sure she was looking sadly at me when she said it.  SO ANYWAY, that was bikram and we finally left for my parents’.  And what does the combination of 10 adults, 16 kids, a ton of good food, wine and beer get you?  One seriously good time.  We got there just in time to dye eggs in the afternoon.

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Dave tried to make an egg that looked like Sean but Sean was unimpressed.  However, we were all impressed with Dave’s egg juggling skills…

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We decided to move the egg hunt to after dinner Saturday night since it was supposed to rain all day Sunday which turned out to be a great move.  I’m not sure the exact number of eggs that were hidden but somewhere between a lot and a whole heck of a lot.

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Lots of searching, some eggs required more work than others to get to.

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They are serious about their hunting.

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We had one creek casualty.  Luckily sweet cousin Madeleine came to the rescue and fished out all of Ryan’s eggs.

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Break for plank workout.

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And the best part, checking out their loot.

So basically, lots of searching, cute kids, massive chaos, loads of sugar, random planking, more sugar, bedtime.  HA!

Easter consisted of church and a huge yummy spread of food.  We headed back home Sunday evening.  It was a great visit but it’s nice to be back in our school routine today.

And now I’m going to get a little serious.  I’ve realized lately what an important coping mechanism running had become to me.  My sister, Alice asked me at Thanksgiving what I was running from since I logged quite a few miles every day.  At the time, I just shrugged and thought, she just doesn’t get it.  I run simply because I love to run!  But lately, I realize that I’m the one who didn’t get it… and she might know me better than I know me.  Scary.  While it’s true, I do love to run, the reality is that I was running from something.  And I find myself thinking a lot these days, when life gets hard, if ONLY I could go for a run, things would be so much better!  I only have a finite amount of energy and when I was channeling so much of it into running, it made it impossible to think too much about things I didn’t want to think about or deal with.  Plus running just gives me a high that I don’t get from other forms of exercise.

Now that I can’t run, I’m dealing with a lot of things I’ve stuffed into the back of my head.  And I think that’s probably a good thing.  Ignoring things or running hard and far isn’t dealing with them.  They’re still there just waiting to come up again and again.  In the moment, going for a long hard run is the easiest way for me to deal with hard things.  But then, I just have to keep dealing with them over and over because I never ACTUALLY deal with them.  Duh.  I found the blog momestary the other day.  Here’s her take on life:

“I was right when I was little. Life is brutal. But it’s also beautiful. Brutiful, I call it. Life’s brutal and beautiful are woven together so tightly that they can’t be separated. Reject the brutal, reject the beauty. So now I embrace both, and I live well and hard and real.

I write this blog because it’s part of my healing process. Healing starts fresh each morning. I pour myself out and drink you all in. Because sharing life’s brutiful is what connects us and makes us less afraid. Life can’t be stuffed down with food or booze or exercise or work or cutting or shopping for long. Hiding from life causes its own unique pain, and it’s lonely pain. We have to Live – we have to show up for ourselves and each other – even when it hurts. It’s the only way through.”

I only scratched the surface on her blog, but I relate to a lot of what she writes about.  (Like this list, you can guess which numbers in particular.)  It’s refreshing to have someone talk openly about the hard stuff.  Life is hard!  Why do we so often pretend it’s not?  Being a wife, a parent, a sister, a friend, none of it’s easy.  I think we all know this but still feel the need to project the image that life’s easy.  That we never struggle.  That we’re always happy and put together.  That anything less than utter joy every day is a failure.  And I often wondered why life seemed so much harder for me than everyone else.  Everyone else is so happy!  Life is so easy for everyone else!  So I ran until all the hard stuff was stomped down as far away from me as possible.  But she’s right, hiding from it DOES cause it’s own unique pain.  So for me, it’s time to stop hiding and start dealing with the tough stuff because it truly is the only way through.  Because life really IS beautiful even on the hard days.

I will always run because it brings me joy.  It’s a stress reliever.  It helps me sort through things.  Actually the reasons I run are really endless.  But I’m not going to run away anymore.   Even when it hurts, I’m going to choose to live.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Lawrence says:

    I do love that picture of Sean peeking under the bridge.

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