Whine whine whine

Warning…. whine fest ahead….

Wow it’s been a hard couple of days around here.  I keep trying to snap myself out of it but I just reached that point where I’m done with this injury and am ready to move on.  Unfortunately, it’s not done with me.  So every day I wake up, see my crutches sitting there and die a little inside.  Ridiculous?  Yes.  But there it is.

I’ve noticed two things that have negatively affected my mood recently.  1. The beautiful weather.  There is nothing worse than seeing everyone out enjoying the weather and not being able to join in.  Well, I mean, I can kind of join in, but more as a spectator than a participant.  It’s frustrating.  And depressing.  It was okay for a while but now it just makes me bitter.  Want to tell me about your amazingly awesome life changing run?  Talk to me next month.  And 2. The fact that the Boston marathon is splashed all over my Facebook news feed.  And to add insult to injury, my runner passport came the other day.  It’s just a race.  There will be another.  But it’s still sad that I won’t be there.  And to have my non refundable plane tickets go to waste.  You’d think after all the race fees that I paid last year for races I couldn’t run, I’d be used to it by now.  But Boston was a big goal for me, so it’s a more bitter pill to swallow than the others.

Even with the disappointment of Boston still hanging over me, I’m not sure why I’m so down about things right now.  Tomorrow marks 6 weeks since surgery and I get out of my cast on Friday.  I should be excited about the progress.  Excited about moving on to phase two of recovery which should be a whole lot shorter than phase one.  Excited that once I get my cast off, I should hopefully be crutch free in a week.  But once again fear has a tight grip on my heart and it’s keeping me bogged down.  I know I’ve already talked about it here but it’s constantly on my mind these days.  What if I get the cast off and the pain isn’t gone or even worse, if it’s more painful than it was before surgery?  What if after all that, it didn’t work?  Fear is an awful thing.  It’s keeping me from living life and enjoying right now.

maya

Yep.  I need a serious change of attitude.  In the scheme of life 6 weeks is a blink of an eye.  3 months is a second.  There is no reason to get this worked up over it.  Good grief.  Pull yourself together woman!

Well, all I can do is try.  Try to keep my eyes on the big picture.  Try to keep it in perspective.  Try not to think nasty thoughts about every runner I drive past.

I can do this.  Two more days.

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