Running, it’s happening, sort of

Well it happened.  Yesterday marked day one of my return to running… sort of.  I’ve been torn about whether to say anything about it at all.  Because I’m scared.  I’m scared that I’ll make some announcement like, yay!  I’m up and running!  Only to be sidelined for another month.  But the reality is that this started as a running blog so if I’m doing any running, it probably makes sense to talk about it.  Plus, I want to document my recovery from surgery for my own curiosity.  If a few years down the road, when this is a distant memory, someone else I know has surgery and is struggling with impatience or feelings of it’ll never get better, it’ll be nice to have a record of what recovery was really like.  I’ve said before that my doctor made it seem a lot easier than it’s been.  Would I have still done it if I’d known this was what recovery was going to be like?  Yes.  But for my own mental well being, it would’ve been nice to know what realistic expectations are.

I had a doctor’s appointment last Friday and my next appointment is next Friday.  Before next Friday he wants me to run a mile.  But of course, I’ve been off my feet for so long, I can’t just go out and run a mile.  I guess I could, if I want to immediately sideline myself again but I’d like to avoid that this time around.  So the plan is to add a quarter mile every other day until I’m up to a mile.  Yesterday was 9 weeks out from surgery and the first time I’ve tried to run and I did it… for a whole 2 minutes and 38 seconds.  That was it.  I’m not going to lie, it didn’t feel very good.  But it didn’t feel awful either.  And my real litmus test is, how did it feel after?  My foot was pretty sore most of the day yesterday.  Not just at the surgery site, but my whole ankle which didn’t surprise me, after being in the cast for so long, everything needs to get stronger again.  This morning it actually feels better than it did yesterday morning.  So I’m happy with the progress.  After I finished my run, I hopped on the elliptical for 45 minutes.

I’ve really been struggling with motivation lately.  It doesn’t surprise me.  It’s just that part of the process where impatience takes over.  When I was in the cast and on crutches, I got to the gym and did the rope pull machine because I knew that was going to be the way it was.  I was mentally prepared for it.  I really hadn’t prepared myself to still be in pain 9 weeks out from surgery.  And there have definitely been times where I’ve whined to Lawrence that I’ll never run again and that I should never have had the surgery.  But I don’t really believe that.  I’m just having a hard time being patient and trusting in the process.  Along with being unmotivated, my diet has been out of control.  Those two things usually go hand in hand for me.  I’m an emotional eater, so when I’m feeling frustrated and impatient, I tend to turn to food… and then I feel worse.  You’d think at some point I’d stop doing it but I struggle with it.  So my goals over the next couple of weeks are to get to the gym and exercise even when I really don’t want to because no matter what’s going on, I feel better after I do and to be more conscious about my eating.  Am I really hungry or do I just want to eat?  We’ll see how it goes.

Today I’m heading back to the gym for some more time on the elliptical and then errands while the kids are in school.  I’m heading back to Costco.  Alone.  It’s just safer for all involved.

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